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HIIII! I’m back!
I am going to do everything in my power to keep this short & sweet. You know, given that my last blog post was 11,000-ish words (you know like, 1/6 of a book?!) but that was Atticus’s BIRTH STORY post so it needed to be in depth & juicy. That will be a monumental one for all of time.
Now it is the end of June, officially Cancer season whaaatt, and I cannot believe I haven’t written a post in five months. But that’s kind of what today is about.
This maternity leave has taken me into a vortex. No like, a real timeline hop — the most quantum of all leaps, and the most magical of all times. This time has elevated me — as a soul, a mother, a person, a writer, a business owner.
I think one of the ultimate things we can do in life when we are creating a brand and living in the midst of it every day is to take a step back. We would do ourselves the greatest service if we simply allowed ourselves to do that more often, and sometimes even without rhyme or reason. But we don’t — I know I don’t at least!
When I got sick about five years ago I was forced to step back, but even then I managed to be slyly working all the time, under the guise of just “checking social media” or checking in with my audience or the age old “just doing this real quick because no one else is going to.” And that all served me well at the time, but a REAL break was needed.
So come early December of last year, at a swollen & bursting 9+ months pregnant, I finally got that break.
It has been blissful with Atticus, and I have learned so much about myself. You guys will hear a lot about it in the solo episodes to come on TBB Podcast, which officially relaunches tomorrow!! And beyond what I have learned about myself as a mom, I learned a lot about my business & the way I want to approach my work and my life from here forward.
First I should say that the main element of my business & how I make an income is through podcasting. There are a lot of other moving parts to being an influencer & writer, but the bulk of my career itself is in podcasting. But toward the end of last year and even well before then if I am being honest, something about the way that I approached my own podcast started to make me feel very MEH.
And by that I mean, I was burnt out and over it. Not over the podcasting itself, because the conversations I get to have (whether they be solos or with my amazing guests) are something I love to do… but the backend was wearing on me. The negotiations, the days I just didn’t feel like it, the days my Lyme symptoms were raging, the days my brain fog was so bad I forgot what I was saying in the middle of convos with some of the most successful people on earth, the days I ended up podcasting from bed and feeling like a total imposter because who records a top-rated podcast from bed…
You know what I mean? So it was REALLY nice to step back & take a real break. Not just to gather my footing and my energy again, but to begin to conceive what it might look like to pick it back up again when I was ready.
I also think when it comes to all things business-related in life, it is important to ask ourselves sometimes: do I even want to go back to this??? Is this, something I created six whole years ago, still serving me? Is it draining & depleting me? If it is, do I want to continue it, but in a new way?
SO around mid February when I began to even think about what podcasting would look like if/when I was ready to return, these are the questions I started to ask myself. At that time I was still in such a newborn cocoon & bubble and really couldn’t imagine leaving Atticus for even an hour, so these were all hypothetical & future “what ifs” at that point.
As Joe Dispenza says, it was time to consider breaking the habit of being myself, so I started to ask myself what that would look like.
And then I revisited a conversation in my mind that I had come back to many times. What about signing with Dear Media?
If you guys don’t know, Dear Media is a podcasting network that is at the TOP of the game — like as far as networks & studios go, it is always the one that has caught my eye and that I have kept an eye on. So many of the most incredible podcasts are signed with DM, and they really know what they’re doing. It has been set apart from day one, especially because the founder is Michael Bosstick (co-host of The Skinny Confidential Him & Her, aka my favorite podcast and like, a million+ other people’s favorite podcast).
When DM first launched I had a conversation with Michael about it, but at the time was really happy with the way I was doing things. I had an amazing production team for many years, everything we did was virtual, and I felt like I would keep that well-oiled machine rolling. But over the years I kept that conversation in mind and always felt like, am I doing myself a disservice by not trying something new?
Ultimately something about DM is that they have gorgeous studios here in LA — and after podcasting at my kitchen table for the last six years, that was starting to sound really fun, and really professional. Like a real upgrade. The up level my soul was asking for.
Not to mention, my team is small, and we have always done everything on our own. From brand deals and invoicing to graphics and guest booking & beyond, it’s really just us. This stage in my life began to feel like it called for an up level in that area, too — one with more SUPPORT, more ease, and more grace.
And then there was another big question. This is a real kicker, you guys, and I am about to be really honest with you.
Have I been keeping myself smaller than I should be for all these years, because I have been sick and I have a fear of being as powerful as I know I really am?
Because part of all of this for me is that when I close my eyes and think about everything I have created in this world, I know it’s big. When I launched my podcast six years ago it was in the top 10 episodes every single week, all the time. Beyond that (and more importantly), my listeners are loyal and amazing and we have a LOT of fun.
But when I got sick I really lost my footing and I lost a lot of confidence. I looked at other successful people in the industry and felt like they have a lot more energy than me, they don’t have to make decisions based off of whether they have Lyme symptoms raging each day, and maybe — they just work harder??
These were all ways of keeping myself small.
So becoming a mom, and looking down at my sweet baby boy, and knowing in my heart that I can’t wait to show him that he can do ANYTHING in this whole entire world, and that he is powerful, and creative, and perfect, and full of life & energy just the way he is… then that made me take a real, hard look at myself.
And as all moms know, you end up needing to believe these things yourself if you’re ever willing to teach them to your kids. And I do believe these things about me, I always have, I just kind of lost some of that power and gusto along the way.
Then I got excited, and decided it was time to make these changes and take these quantum leaps. I have taken a lot of leaps in my life, because I know in my gut we are only stuck if we BELIEVE we are stuck. We are only small if we LIVE like we are small. We are only caught in loops & patterns if we subconsciously or consciously agree to stay in those patterns.
So, I took the leap. I took a lot of leaps! I reached out to Dear Media and spent the last few months setting up this partnership and getting everything transferred over… six years worth of episodes!!! I got in the studio and started recording!! I shot NEW COVER ART, mama got a spray tan, got my hair and makeup done, and really started LIVING this 7.0 version of myself that I had been dreaming up for all of these months in my early postpartum cocoon.
And now, tomorrow, TBB Soul on Fire launches with Dear Media! The show will be exactly the same show you’ve always known, but expanded. More elevated, more polished, more me. It will reflect these expansions I have committed to and experienced, and it will not be me playing small anymore.
I am excited to have new guests on, guests that are so inspiring to me and definitely a handful of people I wouldn’t have reached out to to come on if I was still podcasting out of my living room. No shade at all to how I did things before (I love that version of me so, so, so much) but this is just the next phase. The next level. And I am so here for it.
Head here to listen to the TRAILER that launched last week, just 2 minutes talking about the deep dive that you can expect with the new season & new look of TBB 7.0!!!
SO EXCITED & so grateful to share these milestones with you guys! In the meantime, I will be blogging more often again. This time off applied to all things — blogging, podcasting, even writing. I have truly just been living the mom life, and it’s exciting because I am ready to come back full force now & I know what I missed the most. Blogging is high on that list too. 🙂
Leave topic requests below for the blog & pod, guest requests, all the things! And tell me your thoughts! I want to hear it ALL! XOXO love you guys to the moon!!!